Monday, September 17, 2012

Volume Thirteen

Hey everyone. Sorry about last week but it was hard for me to post. Well this weekend I went down to Menifee to visit my friends and go to the movies. When I got to Nickki's house she shows me her adorable new puppy and then pulls me to the side and pulls out a hamster! Apparently she bought me a random hamster that I name Hairenzumi (supposedly Japanese for Porcupine) and my mom loves the little guy. He's pretty adorable. So we went to go see The Possession. It was really jumpy and me being the weird spas that I am, kept yelling and adding in my own commentary! It was truly amusing. I had allot of fun with Nickki and Carter and Nickki's older brother Hayden. It was pretty cool because Nickki's boyfriend, David, showed up with his cousins and we all watched it together and it was fun and scary.
Well. . . after the movies, we went home and I asked my friend Deaven to come over. Deaven, Nickki and I were all sitting outside her house talking and Nickki kept leaving Deaven and I alone (on purpose). Well he had to leave and so we said our goodbyes but we stayed out for another 10 minute and we did something. . . He told me that he didn't care anymore and he leaned in to kiss me. Now I turned away and just hugged him but before I go on, understand that I have liked him since the 8th grade and we never got to see what could happen, he dated a friend of mine because we never told the other that we liked each other and so our shot was messed up and we never did anything but the feelings still haven't faded.
Well he leaned in and I got shy and just hugged him and told him that I couldn't and he said it was okay and just kept hugging me. But then I started kissing his shoulder and his neck and somehow we ended up kissing.
I had had 2 Monsters' before and at this point I was kinda crashing. He kept kissing me and holding me and leaning towards me and pushed me against the car. Now for those of you who don't know, this was my first kiss because my other relationships have either been long distance (like now) or didn't last more then a few days. It was intense and passionate and he was somehow forceful but gentle and romantic at the same time. he kept rubbing his tongue against my lips and it was so nice. We stopped and he kept kissing my hand and shoulder and laying his head on my shoulder and we hugged then kept kissing more until he finally pulled away and told me I had to go. i told him I didn't want to but he picked me up and carried me to where my phone and shoes were and dropped me off and so I went back inside. My heart was beating so fast and even throughout the kissing I was breathing heavy and uneven. It was like magic.
Now I know that I've always bragged about Enzo and how happy we are but that doesn't mean we don't have our problems. We do. I can't believe that I kissed another guy, but whats even more unbelievable is that I don't really feel bad about. I've had feelings for Deaven for a long time now but this was the first time we've ever really acted on it.
Because of this I need your guys' advise on what to do. Enzo and I will stay long distance for another long while maybe even another year, he doesn't want kids, this isn't the first time I've considered breaking up with him for awhile and he wants to stay in California. Deaven is pretty much everything Enzo isn't. He does want kids, we both plan on moving to Oregon, and he's here.
I like them both but recently I feel like Enzo and I are just drifting in a sense and I hate that. I don't know if I should stay with Enzo or explore this with Deaven. Give me advise either as a comment or e-mail me! But no hate mail/comments you guys. I know cheating is bad but I need advise not criticism.
That's all for today's post but don't forget to e-mail me, comment, follow and tell your friends about this blog. SMILE!!! XOXO hugs and kisses.

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